The Ultimate guide to green dildos 2022

Yep, green dildos are very much a thing due to popular characters like Hulk and Shrek.

I’ve put my over 10 years of experience in the sex toy industry to good use and made a list of the best green dildos for your pleasure.

There are a few tips and tricks below the list, you might learn something that can improve your dildo game.

The dildos have been judged by their:

  • Build-quality
  • Material choice
  • Features
  • Price

Let’s get to it, I precent to you the best green dildos in 2021.

What is the Best Green Dildos?

Table of Contents

#1 The Massive Incredible Hulk dildo

This is made by Angry Llama on Etsy and it’s actually called “The Incredible Bulge” as a reference to The Hulk and its bulky size.

The Hulk dildo is made of the best quality neon green platinum silicone and handmade in the UK.

It does take some time to ship is to the US, but it’s well worth the wait.

The Hulk dildo is a massive 8.7-inches long and it’s 7-inches in circumference.

Incredible hulk dildo


  • Handmade in the UK
  • Medical grade platinum silicone
  • Huge size


  • Expensive but well worth it
  • No suction cup.

Incredible Hulk dildo conclusion

This is what you would expect when you think about The Hulk, a big and girthy green monster dildo!

The quality feels amazing and you’re going to enjoy it is you dare using it – Remember to use lots of water-based lubrication!

The Hulk dildo is not for any kind of beginners and will need a lot of training to master.

I recommend the Hulk dildo if you want to be filled out completely by a massive green cock!

#2 Shrek dildo

The “Shrek dildo” as I like to call the Patrick the Ogre dildo is a massive great beast with a very wide middle.

You can get it in 4 different sizes and they are all huge so that’s something you should consider before getting one. It comes in 3 different firmness’s and in a dual density one, which cost a bit more but that’s well worth it in my mind.

The Shrek dildo is handmade in USA with the best quality platinum cured silicone.

Shrek dildo


  • Handmade in USA
  • Made from Platinum cured silicone
  • 4 different size options
  • 4 different firmness options


  • A smaller version would be nice
  • Expensive

Shrek dildo conclusion

The Shrek dildo is very thick in the middle and it does take some time getting used to being filled out, but it’s a great feeling. It sort of feels like a mix between a large dildo and a large butt plug.

You should properly get the medium size which is the “smallest” of the 4 since it’s still huge.

I recommend the Shrek dildo if you have a fantasy about Shrek and want to enjoy his massive cock.

#3 Neo Elite small green dildo

The Neo Elite is a 6-inch-long dong made in a super bright neon green color. This is quite a small dildo with only 4.5-inches being insertable.

It has a suction cup which also acts as a mount for a strap on harness, I’ve made a guide to strap ons if you want to use the Neo Elite as a strap on dildo.

The dildo has a firm inside and a softer outside, which is ideal for dildos, this is called dual density.

Neo Elite green dildo


  • Good-quality build
  • Dual density
  • Good materials
  • Cheap


  • No penis curvature

Neo Elite conclusion

This is a super fun little green dildo that feels really good to use due to the dual density. The outside feels soft and nice to the touch while it still remains firm when used.

You can mount this in a standard strap on harness or use the suction cup on a smooth surface.

I recommend Neo Elite if you’re after a little green dildo with standard features to rock your world.

#4 Green glass dildo

The green glass dildo is a handmade G/P-spot massager made with high-quality very durable glass.

The middle part of the shaft is covered in small green nubs and it’s curved slightly to make it easier to touch your most sensitive spots.

One end is small and pointy while the other is more around, they can both be used both for vagina and anal fun.


  • Strong durable glass
  • Handmade
  • G/P-spot massager
  • Cheap
  • Easy to clean


  • A little hard to hold
  • Long shipping (10 days)

Green glass dildo conclusion

This green glass dildo is great for G or P spot massage with it’s small bend and pointy end.

One of the few downsides of this green dildo is that it’s hard to hold on to while using. The is especially a problem if you got lubrication on your hands.

But it’s an overall great little massager dildo that touched all the right places. Glass dildos have some advantages and disadvantages that you can read more about in my guide to glass dildos here.

I recommend the green glass dildo if you want a cheap good quality green massager dildo.

#5 Major Dick Commando Uncut Green Camo Dong

The Major Dick Commando is a uniquely colored in a camo pattern made of silicone. It has a strong curvature and it’s 9-inches long so you should be able to reach all the places you love.

It has a “ball free” design and shaped like an uncut penis with a thicker penis head compared to the shaft.

Major Dick Commando Uncut Green Camo Dong


  • Good-quality
  • Unique color pattern
  • Great curvature
  • Harness compatible


  • No veins (a little too smooth)

Major Dick Commando dong conclusion

This is a great dildo that looks super cool in a green camo style perfect for that army fetish.

It’s quite thick at 2-inches in width and there is plenty of length for you.

I recommend the Major Dick Commando dildo if you have an army fetish or simply love the camo pattern.


A: Green is simply not that popular even with our friends The Hulk and Shrek. This might change in the future, who knows 😊

A: It all depends on the material, most of the products on the list with the best green dildos are made from silicone which should be used with a water-based lube. Glass and metal dildos can be used with whatever lube you got.

A: Clean your dildo with warm water and soap, remember to rinse off with clean water after the soap. You don’t want soap remains on the dildo when you use it.

Final thought about green dildos

Both Shrek and Hulk are super popular characters and they have for sure sparked an interest in green dildos, but you’re still limited to a small selection.

The reason why you can’t find a product that’s named like Shrek or Hulk-dildo is because of trademarks so I’ve been a little create when finding the right products.

I hope you find a green dildo that suit your needs from Kinkycow’s guide. You’re also welcome to read out guide to dildos if you wish to learn more about them in general.

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